10:17 a.m. - 2001-03-25
it was dangerous,i suppose
"let's say a prayer for the kid out there who couldn't run as fast as we did today."---from the book sleepers.
"it was dangerous,i suppose."
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well,it happened on a sunday night a few years back,spurs and me,we went to watch a late 9.45pm movie ,seven years in tibet,at shaw house orchard road; after the show ended,we couldn't decide where to go and while we were moping around like teenagers reluctant to go home,spurs suggested going to marina to play arcade there and when we rushed to the mrt station,the trains were already away and we were stranded in orchard of course....so we had no choice but to torn (stay over like tramps) in orchard and kind of like walk around,look at the closed shops and just talk cock with each other.that was like the pasttimes of our youth.
we walked down orchardroad to dhoby ghout,downtown past the istana where the faithful guards were still standing and went to eat roti prata at an indian shop near the road,there were quite some people there though it was one something in the early monday morning.we finished the roti pratas amid stares by some old guys lounging around probably thinking why we were out in the middle of the night.we discovered that we were going broke when we finished eating,didn't have much money left cept two dollars and that's it.the night is still young and we have nowwhere to go and so we walked back to orchardroad past the thai embassy where i told spurs i had eased myself on its hedges once because it was night and there were no toilets around and then we walked on past the taxis and people around palais where they were sitting on the steps and smoking and laughing and talking,it seems we were not the only people out and that was quite reassuring or else it would have been a ghost town like shenton way,well i suggested to spurs back at the prata shop that we walk to clark quay and watch the people get drunk by the riverside but he declined and we nearly splitted up because he wanted to go home and he is going to walk home and i wanted to continue walking on to city hall but of course i ran back because the loneliness gets to me and i ran back to him and nearly gave him a scare by creeping up to him.then some fucks called out to us like they were provoking a fight and well we didn't reply and everything was okay.
so we walked on to tanglin where the tanglin mall was and at a lonely staircase there,we heard a low meow and we stepped forward gingerly in the dark to look at the cat but we couldn't find it and suddenly like it appeared from nowhere,there was this black cat staring at us atop the stairs and well,we got a fright and ran off.we walked on past tanglin police station and stared at the people hauled by the police and sitting on the benches looking drunk-like.we saw this christmas decoration of a train by the road and it was quite elaborate and all and we played about it for a while and then it got boringly stupid and we walked back to the round circular benches at shaw house where we could lie down and spend the rest of the night,it was only two-something by then and we began to argue about whose fault such a stupid outing or whatever came about.
spurs said,"ah,let's stop calling each other out."
and i said ," okay....it's you who called me in the first place."
"yeah but technically you called me first."
"yeah...i called but you were asleep...i didn't talk to you and then you called and asked me out."
"technically...it's still you who called first."
"okay okay...maybe next time we should call more people out,like know more people...i wanted to call shawn but i didn't have his phone no."
"yes..."he said.
i laid down on the circular benches and tried to rest while spurs sat around lazing restlessly because i didn't want to talk and he tested his lighter on my jeans;i tried to sleep but laid awake then suddenly this guy walks up to us and speaks. i was quite startled,i thought it was a mugging or something but that guy got a fright too,because of my reaction.well,he introduced himself as eric;he wanted to have a drink with us,talk cock,relax ,and so on...he said his friends had left him to go home and he still had this bottle of unfinished liquor and like he wants to share it with us.
it was around three am then and spurs and me were quite bored and so we agreed.that guy had jack daniels and a bottle of coke to mix it all up but we lacked cups and so he asked spurs to go to the 7-11 to get some.meanwhile,he talked to me,about his father's death and so on...he shook my hand quite a few times too.i was quite apprehensive but then at that time i thought i was jack kerouc,friends from all walks of life to carry the beat,and so i just listened to what he had to say...then spurs came back with the cups and i couldn't believe that guy actually made such a big fuss over the cups that spurs bought.well,things quieted down,spurs made an apology and then that guy suggested we go taka square to drink and talk.it was certainly more spacey there and so we agreed.
when we walked there,eric asked about our religious leanings and well,me and spurs said we are both free-thinkers and there and then,eric shook his head and told us not to be free-thinkers;it was better to have a faith and so on.i took it all in like a naive kid i was.i guess it was because of the "i am kerouc" crap again where everything comes in and your true feelings get masked.well,i had nothing to offer for religion but shit-crap,i would rather believe in myself now.
he offered us cigarettes and drinks and so we took some ,but i tell you,man that alcohol tasted like cough medicine,you know,those pink solutions,and well but spurs said it was nice,i dunno. then eric continued talking,holding the conversation the whole time,talking about boring religion and well,it bored spurs totally and he fiddled with his shoelaces and well,i feigned some interest,like man what's he talking about? he must be drunk.he said," there are 3 things that will happen to you in your life...like an ordeal..."
"yeah-right."
then we had a few laughs when he told us about his army stint in tekong and so on...i can't remember all.
the lecture went on and he would frequently interrupt himself by asking us,"am i correct?am i correct?" and then shook our hands profusely and looked into our eyes...there are just some people you can't argue with.
my mind association was skewed and i thought this was like a scene played out from william burroughs and jack and allen ginsberg,like a whole gang talking about religion and salvation....but then,it might be a silly joke of fate. fate,i don't even know if there's such a thing as bad karma or something.well,it was around 5.30am soon and spurs had to go to school in the morning and so he went home to change.
and i continued sitting there,talking to eric.and then i was like spinning and wanted to close my eyes at that time.he suggested that we go to the benches between taka and wisma and it was quite dark there and i agreed because i had to lie down.he told me to sleep for around five minutes and then he would wake me up and then we could continue "drinking and talking".well,i didn't care,i just wanted to sleep.then he said it's better for me to get comfortable and so he rested my head onto his lap and well,i trusted him.i closed my eyes and lapsed into a state not exactly sleep...well,because you just can't sleep when you're drunk...just wozzy-like...yeah,well,he caressed my hair and i was spunoff and dazed.then he touched my chest and lower down and well,i tell you,i'm pretty smart i knew the score man as they would say,and well,i got up quickly like and put on me specs and i ran down the steps towards the sidewalk,i was thinking it was really strange,i mean,it happens too fast and was i hallucinating?i dunno and well,i didn't have no sick feeling like i was going to puke,i just felt nothing like someone brushing past your shoulders in a market,yeah well,i got down to the sidewalk and then remembering what he had done,i shouted loudly for the people of the night to hear,"fuck you,faggot." a few times.he didn't come chasing after me but i was scared and like mad and confused,i ran away across the road and the drinks were really heightening these madfucked fears and i ran past tang's,past shaw house like a deranged adventure kid to the 7-11.where there were more people around.
near the bus-stop outside the thai embassy,i saw this white car going slowly near the sidewalk.i recognised the car and the driver,it is familiar,cruising around for the boys and girls ...i saw the driver and he saw me...i gave him the finger. and ran away into 7-11 to buy a bottle of water to ease the alcohol in my blood. then i took a bus home.
at my bus-stop,i vomited into the drain for ten minutes and then walked home.
i told spurs about it a few days later.
he said,"well,your first sexual experience."
