3:33 p.m. - 2001-07-04
ordloh!
last night i had a dream about the army...it was not a good one,i dunno why it came into my mind maybe i was too tired and it just slipped through my defences maybe i missed the army...how worse is that.
i dreamt i was back in the midst of double decker beds and standby beds and the durian headed men were milling about arranging stuff and so on as the higher command walked through and inspected everything and i was standing there like a passerby in any dream ; i was the guy who had ORDed and hence by default,shouldn't have anything to fear,i was invincible,what can they do,i'm no longer under them,what are they thinking,i have already served my "tour of duty";they're probably thinking of ways to get me back,another letter with the words "government service" in blue pressed ink,another call from a guy with a strange voice speaking of recall mannings and mobilisation code words and checking my particulars and my father's name and how i have to grab everything and leave.
don't be a coward.are you a man.you've got to defend,your mother land.
stand up and fight,don't lose sight,alpha company alpha company,when you're gone,bravo company will take your place.
hey any more army songs?
i remember the days coming out of the camp staring at everything differently ,seeing everyone weirdly,how they carry on their lives,on the bus home,i see a guy dressed in green,and thought hey a comrade servant...like i was some veteran back from the viet war and how so how...the world's still the same and yet i've changed.
girls oh girls,once you stepped into camp,how odd an rarity you are,every eye's trained on you like a sniper's crosshair and how you brush your hands through you soft brown toned hair and how you've escaped the clutches of national service and become the icon of civilian life?
like a star ,lol,like a star on that general's shoulders,so far away and so forbidding.
after the dream,i woke up and mildly mocked myself for dreaming about army life...the day passed and at night as i sat in front of the computer,i took up the vcd they gave me,the one documenting some segments of life in my camp,the one with the techno music popular at that point in our lives playing on as the moving pictures show boys in camouflage uniforms running about with rifles behind their backs and how we deploy our guns...i'm blue dabadeebadeeda...yeah,i was real blue,we all were,too blue...army blues.
spurs asked me,"hey have i changed this past two years?besides physically of course."
did i lie when i say no?
who knows.
