10:52 p.m. - 2004-03-01
he has been lost.
had a nice lunch and chat with my video editor today. she gave me advice and some other food for thought about the industry and the future.
the worst fear is entering a job you knew all the shit about and yet you still walked into it.
shooting wedding and corporate videos can help you earn enough to get by but is that really what you want?
if you wanted money, you should have gone to the bio chemical business line.
take some time to chill, think through about things and set a direction.
"im really sorry steven..."
try screaming infidelities by the dashboard confessional.
a cool name. im sitting beside the driver. we were making a road trip across america. him to his lucy. and me back to college. the sun and neverending road. banged the dashboard and made our confessions. we were drunk. too much back at the last gas station.
im sorry. i dun know how to comfort you. nor you me.
seen on mtv: the dashboard confessionals gig in a club packed with geeks, emo types, the casuals, parents, and friends of the band; the crowd singing along, everyone knows the lyrics of those familiar songs, even me, as i sat on my desk and eavesdropped on the tv. when they cried and strummed the melody of "again i go unnoticed", i hummed along in my head, so as not to scare my coworkers, and suddenly, i was not just by myself, i was there, with all those people in the club. we understood and we were joined.
"your hair is everywhere... screaming infidelities and taking its wear..."
Its not what you are, its what you like that matters.
when you like everything with a numb sense of indifference, than you do not matter. it really doesn't matter its a lie.
you are blessed with a high threshold of pain, you do not mind britney spears or at least you do not whine about it. sooner or later, the britney level increases and along with it, your tolerance level; soon, you'll be having britney cereals for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and you wouldn't mind.
thats how we got numb in singapore. increase the mindless, rulebook laws, increase the singaporean fatalistic mentality the govt is right, the govt is the far right. the military. the police state.
blame the external environment. you are useless. you only know how to blame others.
but that's exactly. the tactic they use is that its your fault for letting things happen. its you. not them.
let us accept that its both.
ok lets return to the apolitical.
some pple's self worth are dependent on them putting other pple down.
even worse are the passers-bys who stand and watch and their self worth is dependent on seeing other pple being put down by other pple.
oh let us be normal:
when we are sad, let us keep quiet.
and with character, please do not whine.
try to empathise with 80's kitschy synth pop. they are the desperate hostess asking her guests to stay longer with the cocktail glass in hand.
... (hesitates to type, the words must end, dunno what to say, your turn? but i know what you're going to say anyway. so i'll walk away.)
