9:04 p.m. - 2004-08-18
my father
portrait of my Father
He was born in 1946, delivered by a midwife in the kampung most probably; World War 2 had just ended months ago, and the British came back to Singapore.
At age 8, he woke up in the mornings at 6am daily to fetch water from the wells, and to feed the pigs with swill, ate some bread and then took 3 cents from my Grandmother and then walked to school, which was probably 3km away. During recess time, he drank tap water to stave his hunger, saving the money.
When he was 16 or 17, he went to work in the ships. He worked onboard the ship, in the hot stuffy confines of throbbing engine rooms, and sailed the seven seas. He never smoked or gambled or indulged in prostitutes and the money he saved, some of it he sent home to help his family of 7 brothers, 1 sister, 1 hardworking Grandmother, and the rest he saved up in the bank.
He met my mother in 1974 or so, and they got married. I never knew how my father pursued my mother, or was it one of those friendly gatherings that they got to know each other... Anyway, 1976 my brother was born.
My Father continued his work as a sailor upon the seas. It was a tough job, away from home for months. He told me he ate 2 eggs daily for breakfast while he was onboard and that he can't eat that much eggs now because he is old and the cholestrol would kill him. He says i can eat more because i'm still young.
My father went to many countries during his work stint; whenever the television shows some unknown land like the middle east or the philippines or europe or something, he could point out to me that he was there before. I would ask him why he went there and he said he sailed there. I thought that was pretty cool. He sailed to so many places when he was young.
My father is quite thrifty. Almost to the point of torturing himself, i think.
When i was young, and my mother brought me or my brother out to hongkong or some overseas country during our school holidays; he would not come with us. Our family trips were never family trips. I asked him why he didn't go with us. He would say that it's boring, he's been there already. That might be the truth but he was probably being thrifty. For us.
My father has no friends.
Acqaintances and colleagues yes, but friends, probably not. In all my 24 years of life, i've never seen or heard of him going out with his friends to drink beer and chat at coffeeshops or do anything. He spends his weekends at home. He has no hobbies. He doesn't collect anything or do sports or watch films or follow music.
No friend has visited him when he's sick now.
Sometimes i wonder why my father has no friends. Is is because he refused to go out with them to drink beer, smoke ciggies, or is there no interests/passion about anything he has in life? Did he refuse to go out with friends so that he could save up money for his family? Are we his dream?
Is is because he was so busy working hard when he was young that he had no time for anything else?
I will never know the answer now. He might have retired and now has the time to go line-dancing or indulge in any youthful postponed-passions. But unfortunately, in 1994 he developed kidney failure, and in 1997 he had a kidney transplant, we thought all would be well, but in 1999, painful spasms wrecked his legs and that is how.
Now, he stays home, sleeping on the couch in the mornings, going to the toilet constantly to get the constipation gone, catching a few hours of chinese dramas in the evening, squinting his eyes because of the cataracts and then when he feels tired, he shuffles back to his room and lies on his bed.
My father is a cheerful man. He would make stupid jokes and dance about like some cockanathan, and my mother would laugh at him silly. i never got those jokes. I was young then, about 13 or 14.
My father is a coward. He is scared of thieves or robbers or molesters in public swimming pools. These are the things he constantly warns me about when i go out. He has a mean-world perspective on people. He advises and nags at me about conmen, drug traffickers, and gangsters. He knows all about natural disasters and freak accidents, like leaving a unwatched kettle which would eventually burn our house down.
My father thinks about suicide sometimes. It is something we all think about from time to time but we wouldn't do it. Well, so did he.
My father is a good person.
My father has a foul mouth.
My father takes 6 morphine tablets, 2 immuno-suppressants, 2 or 3 panadols, 2 stress-relieving tablets, 2 laxatives, 4 enemas, daily. I have an arsenal of drugs in my home to get high on, be fatally happy and shit my arse raw.
My father doesn't know how to use the internet.
My father knows when to sell stocks on a stock market and achieve better results than a university business undergrad.
My father bought the 5 room flat we call our home without any mortgage or installments. He paid the entire amount out of his CPF. He had saved the money because he knew it would be useful one day.
My father made a phonecall to the NKF children's show, despite my objections. When the phone bill came, it turned out that he had accidentally dialed the 5-donations-in-1-call number. He shrugged and i ranted.
My father's highest position in the shipyard he worked at was a ship foreman supervisor. Meaning he worked in the sun with the other labourers, directing them, under the orders of the engineers.
My father is 58 now. His birthday is in may.
my father is my father.
