9:30 p.m. - 2005-08-01
mfimf
sunday night i dreamt of my father again. all i can remember of the dream now is this: my father walks around, his eyes wide open and staring blankly forward. The area around his nose and eyes are black. I forgot if its the skin or is it soot.
Maybe it was his skin at first, because when i saw it, i was curious and i asked him why is his face black, is it something he took, his drugs? he stared forward, never replied. i even called out to my mom to come and see.
he continued walking and he walked into my sleeping room. he turned and looked at the light switch, checking to see if it was off.
he has this habit of going out of the house last, after everyone, to check if the light switches and water taps are off.
i wonder if every sunday night, after the saturday night rituals of food and incense offerings, my father would appear in my dreams. but only briefly. and i know that they are just dreams.
i have a letter i wanted to write an email to the hospital. but i never got the urge to write it out and send it. i was hoping my father would appear in my dreams and tell me to do it.
i suddenly remember a poem called dun go quietly into the night. i think i will go and search and read it.
