10:36 p.m. - 2005-09-27
A very NANO series: MASTERBATE THE INTERNETS
I believe there is a way to go into any time zone in history. This is the internet. There will be a portal to the past and to the future.
ipod nano are starting another cr4z3:
NANO is the latest in-word.
(';') says: you are so NaNo!
(-;-) says: thanks!
(';') says: Ants are so NaNo!
(-;-) says: yea they are.
(';') says: Ipod shuffles are so not NaNo.
(-;-) says: i've been thrown into a bottomless NaNo pit.
(';') says: i wish.
Uber Cool Flash Opener:
Irritating flash intros.
That is the model of our opener.
It contains ever-the-top dramatics of typical flash intros, soft fades and dissolves of moving shapes and photos, layers and layers of symbols/text screaming elegance piled on top of each other.
Mundane Blogging sketch:
The official start-off with 2 pple at their computers, typing stream of consciousness about their lives, aspirations for the moment, things they want to buy, etc� it then appears that they are on MSN having an absolutely unconnected dialogue.
Then its �yawnz, I gtg, goodnight.�
Then both of them proceed to cut bits of the conversation and post it on their blogs. And jump into bed happily to sleep. It is about 5 am in the morning.
Milestones of Internet Achievement Sketch:
We are at a celebration of some sort.
There are streamers and junk food and balloons and small paper hats.
A middle aged looking man stands up and says, �let us welcome 3wing who has finally joined us broadbanders!� Clap-clap. Everybody in the room cheers elatedly and blow party horns.
�Speech Speech Speech Speech�� the crowd chants.
�Thank you, thank you. The first website I want to go to is big n bouncy wouncy dot com.�
More clap-clap.
Game nostalgia cum Lattice of coincidence sketch:
One guy just walking on the street, thinking about last night�s counterstrike Lan party.
He talks to himself and is totally absorbed in a memory recap of certain moments in the game.
Of which some are rather absurd, like players suddenly floating into the air; shooting a soldier and his armour flies off till he�s totally naked and running around like a headless chicken trying to hide; a cheesy disco track comes on, everybody stops fighting and starts dancing; the timer of the bomb counts down but it doesn�t explode, instead out pops a sardine fish flapping around.
Then the guy wakes out of his daydream, and what do you have, an old lady carrying her bag of groceries drops a can of sardines and it rolls and lands by his feet.
Then he goes, �hey, the lattice of coincidence!�
Inane Internet Lies & Pranks Sketch:
2 guys on msn making up lies about hacking into google, and using google earth to point missiles at someone�s home.
More internet pranks include sending disgusting pics to unsuspecting friends and sending mail bombs to bust their email accounts.
On MSN:
�Yo, look behind you now.�
�what?�
�I can see you from here. I know what you did.�
mantaray] says:
de ja vu?
(=';') says:
i dun speak hindi
[mantaray] says:
neither do i
(=';') says:
but i can understand.
(=';') says:
its just my special ability
(=';') says:
whats your special ability?
Then its Faking disabilities, and general acting retarded like talking about philosophical bullshit. Don�t take it seriously please. �you are obviously correct by stating the obvious!�
Irrelevant REAL OFFLINE WORLD SCENES � this is the part to educate our viewers outside of the Internets that there is actually a REAL WORLD outside. These Scenes come with a REAL OFFLINE WORLD tag and they miscellaneously contain:
A team of Gyrating teenage girls in skimpy outfits, Crowds of people churning up clothes at a sale, people playing basketball, People walking by at orchard road and staring at the camera noticeably, gyrating teenage girls in skimpy outfits outside Mohammed Sultan Road (I don�t know what the hell they are doing there!)
Stupid Hacking sketch:
Someone hacked into the most stupid of things, like microwave, leaking cistern, handphones welcome message I OWNz U!!! Banner Ads infiltrating the television set in the living-room. Doors in the toilet going crazy. It�s all ghostly but actually it�s some hacker laughing away as he programs everything. He talks to himself and types fake-programming language of a very elementary manner.
Animal Sketch:
Pet owners introduce their pets and talk about them.
This week we look at the butthead luohan, Lumpy.
Elsewhere, we have this guy who has a love of the lionhead black ranchu. But it is not living in his home. It is still at an aquarium shop. He imagines that it talks to him and he visits it everyday.
Songs of praise sketch:
Simple songs written to praise the powers of the Internet, with accompanying music videos.
Examples:
Digital Love by Daft Punk.
Technologic by Daft Punk.
Slash Dot by Fatboy Slim.
The End. A digital fallout occurs, everything is wiped out.
Other episodes might contain:
Digital Encounters � internet romance, penpals, awful auctions, forum trolls, flamewars, replying to spam.
Lame Computer Jokes � jokes that have been told too many times like the cd-rom tray being used as cupholder. Repeat many incarnations of it until it becomes a Buddha.
Discerning Luddites Yahoo Group - people that refuse to use certain software (i.e. WORD, POWERPOINT, PHOTOSHOP, 3ds Max, UNIX, some people refuse to use the keyboard, etc) grouping together to bitch and share in-jokes.
Software learning sketch � How to become a 3d expert. How to become a photoshop expert. How to excel in Microsoft Excel. We jump the baby steps and skip the toddler talk and go straight to Advanced Theories of Software - Everyone can be an Expert!
Poetry on the Net � heartwrenching poems of isolation, love and EMO. It�s My Life! (livejournal).
Letters from my Internet Penpals � Weird letters with funny English are sent from my Internet Penpals: �A male goes to bed on the rail of a train in Fukuoka today and did train suicide.� This is how I learn more about the culture of another country.
Desktop Art � a look at how some people�s computer desktops look like. We have icons arranged to form words, star constellations, or just a few huge icons.
we're coming bulldozing @ you
