11:54 p.m. - 2006-02-23
dreams dreams p
last night, i dreamt about a family gathering. most of my uncles were there, with my aunts, some of the little cousins, my mum, even my grandma.
we were up on the rooftop. i dunno why we were up there.
i dunno what we were talking about.
but suddenly, pa materialised out of the air, fading into view, out of the greyness of nothing. we were excited.
i stepped forward and called to him. He walked towards me, i fell down and held him, but the words i could say were pa i am sorry. he asked me why. i couldnt say anything. i only said i'm sorry. and thought of the things i've done and what has happened. he realised what happened and he was shocked, "why?" he said in his usual surprised alarmed manner. then i crouched down and he beat me with his hands. he beat me to beat some sense into me. and even while i was saying sorry and promising i wouldn't do it again, i was wondering if i really wouldnt do it again.
then i woke up in the middle of the night. i felt i couldnt sleep any more. maybe i should go to the livingroom and play video games. but in the darkness, i just crawled to the bathroom and then back to my bed.
