11:16 a.m. - 2006-06-03
the phase where i read self-help stuff on the internet
this is going to be boring, so be free to exit anytime
no i don't have a gf...
i like this girl and while liking her, i realised that i have some issues within me that i really had to settle or accept or just grow up, else i wouldn't really be happy.
it's not a relationship problem, its me. i become like a obsessive, dependent, self-suppressive, afraid, unhappy person.
i couldn't sleep and thought about her every moment, analysing her every action, my actions, mind games...
something is wrong and so i looked up google to see if i can find anything to make me feel better. and i found a bunch of advice and stuff lah.
i started giving myself some activities to do, little things and plans. sort of like self-therapy. haha.
i envy kids and those pple who can be happy just by themselves, doing things that they like alone, i don't mean the freedom that they can just do whatever they like anytime, i mean the way they can be absorbed into their own world and be satisfied for a while; there's a little self-confidence and happiness.
of cos i dun want to be a kid.
i want to learn to take care of myself, be independent, with my own goals, be affirmative and firm (sic) towards others, be optimistic about my future, yet be brave enough to live alone if that is what happens, and have the confidence and a strong belief that i have the means to be happy even if i am alone.
because everyone is ulimately responsible for their own happiness.
We have the power to control our own actions and thoughts. But we don't have the power to control what others think of us, so it's a matter of accepting certain facts and focusing on what we can do better within our control, instead of harping on things beyond our control.
i've signed up for driving lessons. I think it would be useful if i ever need to get away on a car fast, like after a heist or something. i like sitting in a car and just watching the scenery fly by, but of course it's a different thing when you're the one driving and winding through heavy traffic. but i'm looking forward to driving through nevada or that sunny road in Dumb and Dumber one day.
wow, i don't know whether i'm back to where i started before liking this girl, or whether i'm beginning to change... but anyway, yea i better get going with my life.
good day and good luck.
