9:31 p.m. - 2010-05-03
A little advice on giving advice
I had a discussion with a friend about the topic of advice today and it got me thinking in the shower.
Because we're now in the 30s, and generally don't like people telling us what we should or shouldn't do. But still, everyone loves dishing out some advice. There's even a little self-satisfied kick to it.
So anyway here's a little of my half-baked advice on giving advice.
Firstly, let us agree that advice comes in many forms but it may be widely divided into 2 categories:
1. Experienced Advice, and
2. Indirect or Inexperienced Advice.
And then we'll move on to "When & How to give advice".
So now, what's Experienced Advice?
It comes from people who have experienced (firsthand) the situation or problem before. Hence, they have more credibility and empathy in helping a newbie to the situation or problem.
In some cases, Experienced Advice may come in the form of a demonstration or an example.
For example, if a basketball coach were to teach a new player how to do a lay-up, perhaps it be best if there were a physical demonstration at a court.
Or if a mathematician were to show her students how to solve a complex equation, a step-by-step solution written down will be great.
Usually, visible demonstrations and examples are a great help to a newbie because it actually shows the possibility of a solution.
Seeing is believing. To see that someone can jump up and slamdunk the same basketball as mentioned above, is a mind-opener, even a humbling experience where what we once thought was impossible, could be accomplished.
Now, for Indirect or Inexperienced Advice.
It is perhaps the most common advice in the world. It's free too.
It usually comes from indirect experience, duh. Like how you don't need to be a tailor to tell that clothes sleeves shouldn't be longer than the hands. Or how you don't need to be a cook to tell that the chicken tastes too hard.
But the thing is, you haven't actually sewn or designed a sleeve before. Or cooked a chicken. So the advice you are able to give doesn't come from your experience. It's for lack of a better word, quite superficial.
Because if you believe in the tailor or the cook, and if they have worked longer than you, you will trust that they already know the proper length of sleeves or how hard chicken meat should be.
Perhaps in this situation, if you were to give advice, you can say it as a gentle reminder. Perhaps the cook or tailor, in their busy work life, have forgotten about such details.
Which leads us to our next section:
How & When to Give Advice.
Okay, remember that the sole reason of giving advice is to help someone.
How do you help someone? Perhaps by giving them what they need? And how do you know what they need?
Hmm... by stepping into their shoes? Correct!
First, you step into their shoes. Imagine you are them. What do they need when they face a problem? Do they need a demonstrated example to help them see that it is possible to overcome their problem?
Do they need some moral support? Someone to motivate and encourage them?
Or do they really need some verbal advice to help them see the light?
I personally feel that sometimes people just want more encouragement and support. Or demonstrated examples to prove that something can really be done. Rather than general words of "you should or shouldn't do something".
Because if you haven't done it before, anything seems pretty straightforward. But if you were to actually do it, you will know the complications involved.
So if you really think someone needs to hear a "You should do this..." Perhaps you can put it as a gentle reminder, keeping in mind that the recipient of your advice has probably thought of your words before.
Okay that's it. Another advice is to keep advice short.
Forgive me if i didn't write this clear enough or give you enough examples. I trust you can think of them yourself la.
Kthnxbye1
