9:43 p.m. - 2001-12-28
hamster for a girl
�obey me, hamster, for I am your God. hahaha��
I have a hamster so cute and friendly, when I first saw it in the pet store, it was sleeping with its siblings in a corner among the small wood shavings around them like snow and his little stomach rising and falling with the tiny breaths he took, his little hands twitched and he scratched his whiskers and yawned. and I said that�s him.
I only took one hamster, that was enough for me to love, and I am also jealous so I want all his love.
my little hamster.
I got home and putting him in the palm of my hand, I whispered hello to him and blew softly at his brown-orange fur. he shivered nervously, his body giving these vibes like electric hairs dancing on my hand, all beings great and small tremble in the face of death, I stroked his head gently, I dunno what name to call him, he�s still so little. I wonder if he yearns to be free, whether he could speak in the dark of the night when no one is around, I thought of all the disney mouse shows I�ve watched before, I thought maybe I should set him free, I thought of him scurrying away to freedom, into the sewers, surviving against the winter cold, shivering his little mousey shivers, his puffy cheeks wriggled as he sniffed his little pink nose at me, how far would he escape, before he is dead. he moved about my palm and the back of my hand as he got bolder and climbed higher and higher on the infinite stairs of my two hands, they say hamsters are curious creatures; balanced at the edge, he peeped down and the sight was a new experience for a little hamster, what a long way down. I dunno what he was thinking as he sniffed at my fingers and hands, tracing the minute and numerous lines on my palm with his little nose, how long would I live before I die, I wonder if he knows how fragile his life is, how small his existence, or if he only cares about food, his irrepressible nose poking against my thumb, testing the scent of it.
I laid down on my bed and staring at the ceiling, I placed him atop my head. he sat unmoving on my forehead, only his body shivering gently away. I wonder if he would be angry if he knew his lifespan was so short. but it�s only natural. life and death. that�s the order of all things. what will be, will be.
I think he�s still glad he�s alive. because of this, I know I should be glad, if not for life, then for the moment itself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------the end.
I don�t have a hamster. and I won�t be keeping one in the near future, as accurate as I can predict. this story is just written because of the few coincidences and string of events that happened recently. I went to marine parade recently with shawn and we went into a pet shop full of furry creatures.(event A) and then I met a person in irc who was giving away baby rabbits ( event B) and then shawn wanted them (event A and B collide to form event C) and then the person kept talking passionately about the rabbits and her pet hamsters.( event D). I just finished watching a series of jap love drama.( event E) with lovely couples separated by sickness and then death ( event F). and then I read Table of Everything by trudy white ( event G) which is a book that�s kind of zenny about life and it has cats ( another furry creature) in one of its stories. and then maybe, I thought about the crazy lieutenant in catch22 who kept dreaming of a cat lying atop his face while he was sleeping.
ok, to appreciate this story, I guess you have to imagine the narrator as a beautiful pale girl with a terminal illness, a little princess of a girl, a bit snotty and proud, but all in the childish cute way, she knows shes gonna die soon and so on; her parents bring her to a pet shop to buy a furry creature to cheer her up. the best part is when she feels tired suddenly, battling the demons of the illness, she slumps back onto her pillow, and slowly, with the camera view fixed on her hand with the hamster clutched in it, rising through the air moving towards her face, and she places the hamster on her head. then her eyelids fall. maybe a faint smile on her lips. reread the story again.
