10:17 p.m. - 2002-10-31
this person...
Reflections on this personality
i have a hobby, something i do when im bored. (im not talking about masterbation here guys...haha, all the same, you say...) Anyway, ya, what i meant to say, was i surf other people's homepages and stuff when im bored; pry into their lives and sort.
so anyway, so i came back to my own house(this page) and take a look and the past things i've wrote and so on. then it strikes me that my recent writings are more debase and vicious and than the early ones...there seems to be a "notes from underground" mouse-guy here committing hara-kiri REE! REE! and laughing and then the hikikomori outcast slouching away.
i dunno why. is it catharsis or convergence.
what is convergence? you, oh Gentle-Reader, may ask.
Convergence of whatever. This personality, this life, this character, the looking-glass selve. An algamation of stephen chow movies, crass pornography, teenage louts, existential craps, acquainted idiosyncracies, poseurish english high-class lives, working class chinese protestantism and taoism, cats and kittens, crazy molesters, depressive punks, fat slobs, germs, self-denigration, suicidal dreams, prostitute-shampoo smells, soiled underwear, burning lanterns, tv kitsch, books, playstation, pirated games, porno vcds, hikikomorism, school order....all converged.
i wonder if i should be a comedian.
someone like man on the moon.
but can't be sharp all the time. too sharp and sarcastic its kinda sick.
if you've read this far, you will realise that even saying these words aloud gives the mouth a feeling of crassness. looking at the words i've wrote probably give you a low class gutter bitter feeling too eh?
im no irvine welsh. im dick tracy. grotesque.
i saw snow white the other day riding on an mrt train. she was so beautiful and rosey. i asked the mirror. the mirror arsed me and told me to bloody hell get a life.
i wonder what else.
by the way, the newspapers had a great section on psychotic killers the other day. goddamm psychos, i didnt know there were so many of them out there!
haha, im just acting innocent. stepped my shoes easily in one.
this personality.
what a clown.
funny pple dun make me laugh.
they make me cry.
the stand-up comedian said to the crowd one hot summer night.
"so what else is funny?"
and the crowd laughed. one guy fell off his chair. the barmaid spilled a jug of beer on her tits. the teacher wiped her specs. i ate my sandwich quietly and counted the coins in my pocket. they jingled. it was december. it was summer here.
this could go on forever.
