12:51 a.m. - 2006-05-16
gives a meaning to my life
filmed in july - cont'd
tonight i came home from work, and was opening the mailbox and i took out some letters.
one of them was addressed to my father. looking at the letterfront, i was slightly annoyed that this credit card company still sent letters, but then i thought about it and felt i-dunno-what... sad? a little bit...i just made up a story that they were good in remembering my father, that they had stuff to send to him, that he wasn't forgotten.
and so i kept the letter in my bag. and made up a kind of movie resolution that i shall keep all the letters addressed to my father from now on. sort of like a meaning in my life.
i am a kind of person that has few stuff...i think. i mean i dun have a room where i decorate my walls with pop culture, i dun have much toys, i think i only have few things i would consider precious, like my old notebooks, but then again i seldom or never take them out to read, actually i prefer to keep the past in the past, in my drawer. if one day i were to burn them, i dunno if i'm burning up my existence, my life.
i dun have any great character or personality, i am like spineless, like a non-hardcover book, like a soft toy.
i exist temporally. thats what i think. like a hotel room, just passing through.
i scour the streets for meaning after work, and i bought myself a cup of soya bean. sugar makes me up a little bit. i walk on and manage to flag down a taxi. the driver was gruff but good natured. the only thing i could do was be a man back and not act like a sissy.
i reach my flat and i took out the mailbox keys.
tomorrow is another day. tomorrow night another night.
tonight i can only sleep.
