9:30 a.m. - 2002-02-09
heavy metal and my dear children of adren
heavy metal
what's with all these shouting and screaming guitars high pitched and bleeds.
she stared at my toe, and twists a bubble of air in her mouth as she refuses to ask why, why my toe is so ugly.
murdering cats and tearing chickens heads off and multilating pig skins and tattooes on my forehead and piercings on my labia, do you think i am for real, maybe i'm just parodying what everyone else is doing.
i absolutely refuse to speak another word. how i hurt my toe playing too much useless soccer in sandy fields and what have i got in the end? a toenail bruised scary. how i deliberately alienate myself from their conversation and act like an odd fish. one eye twisted staring bloodless eternally uselessly.
a growl from my throat, like horrorshows and screams from toads caught and burnt crisp with hanging warted skins and fed into furry cute cat's mouth, chewing it up like a rubberband asking for more, bouncing back.
i refuse to wear slippers again in the light of sun and human eyes. everyday, from now on, i will wear shoes when i go to school.leave no toe exposed.
wear all black even though its so hot and humid in this damm weather with a dammning sun. i must be damned and condemned. i am judged and my revenge. remain silent, fists uselessly clenched.
let the heavy metal come and wash me away. darkness must fall to hide the ones who are always hiding.
i am not the Queen of the Damned. i refuse to adhere or be associated with this idiotic, cinematic creature that's too stupid to know any difference between commercialised sex on the screen and dead flesh decomposing in a dustbin.
i am heavy metal, feel my rage.
i will rattle the cage and then jump out like a jack in a box and i will cut myself more and more and bloody more and more and that's the more you want to see.
that's what you want, isn't it.
