1:13 p.m. - 2002-12-14
developments (the part where i talked and talked, wondering if im a cold blooded loner.)
developments
my mundane life goes:
today i woke up at around 8.30am or so. As usual, the sun was shining uncomfortably through the thin curtains of my bedroom and strong warm light was creeping through the doorway from the balcony. i had no choice but to get out of bed and go to the bathroom and wash up. This has happened for many times already and one day i am either going to put up darker curtains or i am going to put up with it till i scream. i think the latter is the most probable. i would never change the curtains. this is because i am lazy, not for any sacred reason. i wish the curtains would tear up in the strong winds and mom would put up some darker ones. i have screamed or groaned or yawned painfully when ever i wake up and get out of bed.
i looked into the mirror and brushed my teeth, admiring my bedcombed hair standing up beautifully and then i squeezed my zits and washed up, applied medicine; ad nauseum.(whatever that means...till i nauseus and puke maybe.)
then i go take a look at my bettafish. It did not jump out of the tank like the earlier luohan yu. i'm relieved. It has eaten all the pellets i put in last night. i put in a few more pellets.
then i go read the newspapers. Glanced through LIFE! and flipped through several pages of the STRAITS TIMES. Items of notable mention were the comics, as usual. The rest is all crap.
Due to my recent loss of handphone while buying fake old skool adidas shoes at beach road, i read the damm handphone advertisements for about 15 seconds. they were mind-bongleling.
then i go look at the fish several times more. Decided to test how aggressive it is by holding a mirror to reflect him. I thought this would be pretty good exercise and provide some entertainment for the fish as the tank is very bare and boring for him. Well, it turns out that my fish is a coward. Scared to look at his reflection, like me, i suddenly thought. He flared his lower big-tail a bit but that was all. His gills didn't even erect and thrust out like battlestation satellites. i think he's a real coward.
well, its either he's a coward or he's smart enough to know that the guy on the other side is actually himself and nothing to get bothered about.
*shrug*
like i would know what a fish is thinking.
So anyway, i decided to do the other bettafish exercise i read about from the internet. That is, swirl the water a bit to create a current whereby the fish would swim madly against it, thus exercising his lazy limbs. So i swirled the water with my finger slowly and watched the fish swim. And that was it. He swam. He lost the fight against the water current for a while and then fought on and so on. The internet information advised against doing this exercise for longer than 5 minutes as the fish would be exhausted and might lose self confidence in his swimming abilities.
*nods*
And we all know what loss of self confidence can do. The war is lost!
So i dropped a few pellets in and left the bettafish.
I guess it was around ten o'clock then. I walked past brother's bedroom and his bed was empty and dishevelled looking with blankets tossed and his stuffed bear lying haplessly. he must have gone to work.
so i went inside the room and played internet. "Played internet". What else can i use to describe it...*shrugs.
checked my mail. oh, someone signed my guest book. nannas. should be benny.
then i switched on mirc and icq and went to the usual sites i visit (kitchen, sexylosers, etc, to see if any new updates and stuff.) chatted with people on irc #poetry, stone at #depressed_fucks, chatted with the usual people, iscariot, so on...like a whirlwind.
then arranged with luxxy to talk on the phone. we talked for a while. she tried to get the conversation going by asking questions like "do you...." something like that. she said "do you know..." and then just stopped. i asked her to continue. she said she also dunno what to say. we laughed. i also dunno what to say.
i think im a lousy conversationalist.
and then she had to go do something and so we put down the phones and i went to the market to buy lunch for father.
last night was a trauma and my first experience at the A&E of general hospital. it was both amusing and tragic. the tragic part came first but after all was well (....as well as taking medicine and the flow of time could be), it seemed quite amusing.
this could have been material for a good story about human frailty, the elderly, family love, taxi drivers who dashed for us, waiting at the A&E for 50 minutes, seeing lots of other ordinary people sick or injured, doctors and nurses, tv sets in the lounge, ah bengs and ah lians waiting for dunno-who, the ambulance lights flashing red and white silently, the woman in a very short black skirt and platforms walking out gingerly accompanied by her boyfriend as the other ah-sohs and ah-peks stared, father lying down on the hospital bed so on.
well, it could have been a story like that or it could have been about sticking a small spoon up your arse to dig shit because u haven't been shitting for days and u accidentally did something and blood rushed out and u couldn't stand up because of the pain in your legs and u stare helpless and u cry for help and yr family members (god bless them) came and saw and they scolded u as their eyes turned red and tried to help u in any way they can.
we all wished things wouldn't turn out this way.
and that was that.
what does the future hold?
As i sit down here on my chair in front of the computer and stretched my arms and yawned, i type out this words.
"developments".
"complications". Another word that came up just now.
i dun wish to talk or think too much about it.
