11:32 a.m. - 2003-04-06
actually...
forgive me if i've laid waste on this topic for so many times. i'll talk in a big circle this time.
i'd like to talk about something...inspired by a song by zhang zheng yue called "yuan lai", meaning something like, "oh...like this ar."
of cos not so dramatic but the realisation is there anyway. maybe a better word to use is "Actually".
okay i'll translate the lyrics:
"realised that my world could only contain me..
before this, my vision could only see,
the ceiling above me...
solitary is a kind of joy..
never mind...
actually i knew that my heart is always empty...
and i don't want to decide, that this feeling is called loneliness...
solitary is a kind of pain...
confess it...
where is the place with real feelings?
actually you've always been by my side.
my stubborness made me blind to love.
in your eyes, i see myself...
because of your love,
i am minute...
then i realised my world has you."
i love the music and the jarring guitars.
okay so what is my point?
im back to some media theory by jean baudrillard i think thats the name of that guy... who posted this term
"simulacrum"
this is when a sign becomes more valued and "real" than the real event itself.
a perfect example taking from the Media Book, pg 239, "would be an event in which the tenants of an apartment block chose to watch the tv news coverage of a murder in the block rather than walking into the corridoor and see the real thing."
i guess this is part of the post modern condition...
but bloody terms aside, i think, "actually" sort of awakened me...
been living life with a seeming prefix called "sex". okay so i've revealed the whole point of this article: my tryst with porn.
nice try you'll say.
ok...
thats the end of this essay.
i won't make any "new year resolutions" here.
but im gonna start living life more "real".
here and now.
i hope.
good luck to me.
