10:41 p.m. - 2005-05-11
run back in time to save somebody
work
i've started working in case you didn't know. i've been mute for some time. when i met my army frens i spout all kinds of dirty shit. besides that, i've been a walking mute of polite yes nos thankyous and sorrys.
i found Hz's picture the other day. it reminded me of the days i was 17. i think i'll get to writing about those times one of these days, using my old diaries as notes. the further away from love the more lovelorn i am.
flipping thru the diaries, i even found a funny poem i wrote once.
beautiful in her own right she was
a slow strolling walk along the course
her bouncy ponytail clipped with a rectangular clip
and her right arm clasping a blue file close to herself
she carries a white patent bag
which carried her books and pens and paper
and she walks beautifully
her eyes looking in front
expectantly yet coolly
but without the iciness of other Queens
she is more like the princess
in her stately pride
the school uniform tucked neatly into her skirt
accentuate her hips and her small profile
thats why she is a princess
beautiful and cute
she smiles as she talks to her friend
but she doesn't smile when she is alone
she lives nearby and i like her.
i think i'll never get the same feeling of love i feel like that time. the kind of infatuated feeling. the love at 17 is different from the love at 25. nowadays i act like i'm in a wong kar wai film, looking out the fishbowl, a twisted selfish preoccupation, i'm preoccupied by a ghost that doesn't move and is not moved.
this time i have to run back in time to save myself.
