12:40 a.m. - 2005-09-19
getting too emo
i need strength in my heart like i need oxygen.
i dunno why but i remembered about the time i was in Laos, with my fyp mates and tuesday groupies, i was singing this line from a song over and over again and my friends were quite irritated.
i sang "what if god was one of us..." over and over again. they didn't know why i was doing it.
1.
on a deserted beach
i pat a dog and wished it was god
all our wrongs be forgiven
all our prayers for our wrongs.
i think of home that is far away.
will the river carry me back?
2.
there is a dog it carries some fleas in its skin. it shakes and it rattles and it lies its head between its hands.
there is a dog it carries some of my secrets. i hope it runs as far away as possible. but i know one day it would come back playing fetch and then perhaps i would not be scared. it came back to tell me i am alright. i am alright. everything is alright.
3.
the river rages brown and down down down, churning rocks and sand and pulling ground ground, it growls with a huge swallowing sound, i think of jumping in and floating, my eyes looking at the sky above, i wake up in the dark, i dreamt of home and my family, i cried briefly like a child frightened and comforted myself by hugging a pillow tight.
4.
this is a dark night, i think that when i look into the future, i will write my own eulogy one day. i hope the people i've shunned will not be angry or gloating. i hope the people that loved me would not be sad.
5. dun worry, i'll cheer up in a minute. i know i am like a rollercoaster sometimes.
