9:23 p.m. - 2013-02-24
time management
So i just finished watching End of Watch (2013).
A cop show in the style of COPS and handheld cameras like Paranormal Activity, with Jake Gyllenhyaal as the self-videotaping police officer who patrols his beat with his Mexican cop buddy in the ghetto or barios of L.A.
I feel that the movie was quite exciting and watchable because it feels very real and the lead actors, these two cops, are very personable and jokey with each other.
So you kind of feel like you've just befriended two buddies, you've just joined their team, riding in the police cruiser with them, checking on potential criminals, and there seems to be a lot of them in L.A, drug dealers/human traffickers/child abusers...
The human drama is easily compelling when such subjects are handled, and there's seldom any need to heighten it.
Our two cops are also understated in their surprise whenever they see something terribly WTF. The sort of sad WTF, worst of human kind of things.
Overall, the movie is very much the slice of life of a cop, dealing with duty and bravery - the unpredictable events they come across every day, and how they save children from a burning building and almost die or blind themselves - and also ambition or stupidity - when Jake's character suggests that they go investigate some dubious houses, so that they can score and make detective.
I feel that the story is very much straightforward, there's no twists and turns, but the movie still works because at every moment, the unpredictable nature of the cop occupation, together with the hyped-up(?) danger of heavily-armed gangs.
At this point, perhaps the movie could have made a political statement about how easy you can get such submachine guns. But well, it doesn't, because it's more about the two guys and their lives, how they are also family men with families, wives and kids.
There is much Mexican culture portrayed here and it goes beyond gang-related scenes. There's a quinceanera, which is a birthday celebration when a girl reaches 15 years old, to celebrate her transition to womanhood. It seems like a South American tradition.
okay, this is about it... i've run out of things to talk about this movie...
what else is new?
Well, i kind of passed my deadline on Friday with regards to my script. And I spend significant time on Saturday and today, just moping at the computer, rewriting some bits and thinking about how to get through other bits to smoothen out the story flow and make the dialogue less awkward.
As in many times when I write these scripts, i kind of question myself why I'm doing this. Conversations and natural dialogue don't come easily or flow out of me.
And when it comes to situations, i also tend to fall back on the ones i've seen in some movie or tv show before.
Oftentimes, i don't think i'm cut out for this job, and it's really a job for me. I don't laugh or have fun as much as when I'm just writing nonsense here. It's really just a job and I don't know how I can change this feeling. Perhaps it will never change. I just continue working in the hope that one day the writing will be easier and i can feel more free and playful in maneuvering dialogue and coming up with fresh ideas.
Will it ever be easier or fun?
This is worrying if I consider that as i grow older, i will still have to write all these things, and if i can't finish them in the office before the deadlines, i have to bring them home. And that is quite an upsetting thing because I can't fully interact with my family, i have to worry about work at home, and ignore them even when I'm physically at home.
After these 6 or 7 years of working, I've realised that there are maybe 2 kinds of businesses in the world.
One, is the manufacturing or presold kind, where you only produce a certain quantity as ordered by the customers. So there is no waste of energy or resources.
This is for product manufacturers, like iPhones, hard disks, appliances, etc...
The second kind of business is the one where you produce first, and if people like it, they will order or buy from you - and you can quote them a price. This is more for advertising, music, tv shows and other cultural products.
I just realised there's a third kind and it operates on a sales commission basis - that of financial services or property sales. You produce first, by doing the work to customise your sale to the customer, and then you get paid. This model is different from the 2nd kind because your earnings are not as limited in a sense. There is no upper ceiling - the more you sell, the more you earn.
So the question you must be having now is, why am I thinking of these strange things when I can better spend my time on doing work...
Well i have this question too. I think it's probably because I'm trying to find reasons for myself, reasons why I don't like my jobs or reasons why i should quit.
Which goes back to the movie. The cop movie. I like their job, how they get to drive around in the car, basically not doing much, whiling away time, until something happens and they have to get to work. So sometimes, work seems fun. Especially the times where nothing happens.
And they work in shifts, so they won't bring work home. It's strictly compartmentalised. When they're home, they shouldn't think about work.
So i've come to a conclusion... And I will have to make a choice either soon or when my contract comes up for renewal at the end of this year.
Should I continue in my job? Or should I prepare to find another job, if so, what job would that be, and will i be "happy" in it?
Let's break down the factors and points to think about.
1st Qn: Should I stay?
1) Do I see myself writing scripts as a job till I'm old?
2) How much can I earn, is the pay that they are giving me now (and this July when there's a salary adjustment), is the $$ commensurate with the amount of effort and time I put in?
2nd Qn: Or should i go?
1) What are my qualifications?
2) What kinds of jobs can I do?
3) Narrowing down, will I like these jobs?
4) So if it's based on me liking these jobs, I should list out the things I look for a job now:
5) Based on these jobs, which companies are good? Based on pay, leave days, medical benefits, and career progression.
----
Let me try to answer these questions.
First, I don't think I'm happy now. Just to explain, I think I am not someone who is continually unhappy - I do have the capacity to feel happy and stable - there are such instances before, when work is not so challenging and I don't spend my home time worrying and working on it... So i know my unhappiness is mostly work-related now. It's either the pay or the worries about the future.
The pay is not great now. And I'm also struggling in the writing. It's challenging and I can tell my stuff is not good.
If i do manage to improve in the future, maybe i will enjoy the writing more... But i know the pay/benefits will not see any great improvement, as long as I'm staying & working in Singapore. Because there's only one media company here and sometimes it can feel like your presence is just to help write episodes so the company can cut costs in terms of hiring freelancers to do the work. It's not a decision made on the quality of the work, it's more of a cost decision.
So, the pessimistic view is that if you are not speaking up, you will get squeezed to write more, such that the quality of the work will eventually suffer too. And you will not be happy - because you are spending great amounts of time producing crap.
The optimistic view is that I will improve, and i will speak up more to tell them no, i won't squeeze my personal time to work.
Or if I have to squeeze, I shall be less critical and just let lower quality work pass so that I don't spend my own time on it.
Okay... so I'll just let this rest for the moment. Just focus more on time management now.
So is this what they meant by time management?
To rank your priorities and spend your time on them accordingly.
So here it is, two spheres now:
SPHERE A: This is work. Just get it over with.
Career A - work, the one where you have to answer deadlines. Where you are forced to labour.
I must concentrate on this during work hours and make myself more productive so that it doesn't overflow into my personal time.
I must also know to work smart. To be less critical, just produce good-enough stuff to meet the deadlines. Remember the maxim that when it comes to TV, something on air is better than something late.
Don't try to be perfect. Try to be okay and meet the deadline.
Because I will burn myself out.
SPHERE B: This is personal goals.
Personal life - health, exercise, personal grooming.
Personal goals for my life - To see certain places, to do certain things, to learn something just for fun.
Family - my parents, my family, I have a niece now, I really like her even though she's just a baby now. She's a kicker :) I only just realised how beautiful a baby can be. It's not the Miss Universe or romantic interest kind of beauty, but just the beauty of life. Someone related to you.
Career B - interests that can be developed into money-earning products.
Friends - to socialise and to learn from them, people to commiserate with.
As i can see, i cannot devote my time equally to all these sections in sphere B: my personal sphere.
Maybe the strategy is to know what my time is now, and what I should be doing.
And to not waste time on surfing facebook, or dwelling too much with political bullshit - it's not voting elections time yet.
Anyway... okay... tomorrow i shall go back to the office and just finish my work. Then i shall leave.
For sphere B, i should think about my career B things...
What kind of things can i learn now to produce something to sell? Okay, work on those.
Continue to shower love and be there, interact with family.
Exercise, eat more fresh fruits and veggies.
Organise meetings with friends occasionally. Maybe once or twice a month.
okay, this is it, byebye. take care.
