5:29 p.m. - 2014-06-08
These are my thoughts, today, now.
Hey hi,
so i'm back, just to write down some thoughts.
Because i don't think i've done much journaling for a long time and that's not good. Mainly because I wish to keep my thoughts private actually.
But anyway, black is the new yellow. And it's always nice to come back and read what happened to me in the past, how hung up I was, and be slightly amazed and relieved that i somehow survived. To be or not to be, that is the question. Anyway, don't worry, i won't suicide.
Okay...
As everyone in the room pause for a moment to let the s-word exit quietly, unobtrusively.
What have I been up to?
Hmm have i told you i have a niece. She's about 15 months old and I've decided, after a long bus ride home from the office, which has nothing really to do with my important decision, i've decided that she is my favourite person in the world. Okay right now.
Why?
Because she makes me happy. She doesn't judge me. She doesn't support me either. She doesn't do anything especially for me actually. Well, she doesn't need to, really. Just her presence alone is enough to make me happy.
Perhaps this is the secret to relationships or life? That i shouldn't expect anyone to do anything for me, to make me happy. Just their presence alone in my world, in my environment, in my contact, is enough.
I hope to be the same for someone in this world too. Sometimes it's tiring, you know, when you think that you have to do charity or do nice things like buy a gift or wish someone happy birthday on Facebook, to get into their good books, or to make a difference in the world. For what? Yes, for that matter, why do anything?
I dunno.
Actually i don't know what i'm talking about... let me pause to think it through for 5 seconds.
Oh okay... yes it's tiring to make yourself do things. The idea that you have to do something to raise a decimal on your likeability scale.
A smile maybe.
Forget it!
Anyway, what i just mean is, i'm lazy. And i need a rest. Not from work, just from general life maybe. A break away from responsibilities.
From the hassles of living - like paying credit card bills, renewing my passport, sending the car for repairs, for inspections, answering to people.
i feel tired. omg.
i didn't have enough sleep last night.
i didn't take a nap this afternoon. It's a Sunday btw.
So...
we both nod our heads several times at each other. Acknowledging the existential boredom that's present between us at this moment when we don't really want to say anything to each other. The tedium of making conversation. Serving the ball.
tired.
okay.
i go and stone a bit. I'm thirsty.
okay. These are my thoughts today, now.
