10:00 a.m. - 2017-09-07
i like my coffee bitter and occasional periods of inactivity to think
yesterday my ex-colleague told me that my boss heard about my situation and said that if i'm interested to freelance or do none T stuff, I can email her. Or if i want to come back in a different capacity. Mostly that if i should drop her a note if im interested in writing freelance or whatever. Because there's more programmes/online stuff now.
i feel heartened that they are concerned about my survival (maybe) and giving me a lifeline, but I'm also a bit worried or afraid of going back.
Why? Because I was in the company for 5 years 4 months, and I've learnt some things (a bit about dialogue, the industry - how we pitch new shows, what's acceptable/unacceptable for the establishment, etc) but i'm not sure if i've progressed significantly in terms of storytelling, dialogue, or joy for the work.
Not sure if i should account for work joy at all, since it fluctuates and i'm a lazy person who enjoys occasional periods of office inactivity, instead of constant work. I like having some time to think about my work.
Having choices vs having no choice.
Another fear - since i left and started hunting for jobs, mostly in web development or copywriting/digital marketing, I see how unmarketable I am. Perhaps due to my age and narrow scope of work experience, i don't know digital marketing which is the hot stuff now and all the hirers are looking for it. So they are not replying back to my applications.
I'm learning some digital marketing now through online courses. It's quite interesting, i like learning some business stuff, especially when it deals with human motivations and how to drive that. How to make your product/brand more attractive.
So i don't know if I should return to my old job. Or continue to try to land a job in copywriting/digital marketing.
Let's weigh the pros and cons.
DM will lead me to learn new things. +2 (quite important to me, learning new things opens up more opportunities)
DM is sought after, since businesses are moving online and need DM to get people to notice them and like them. +1
DM might mean starting from entry level pay and benefits (annual leave, medical, etc). Depending on whether I can enter a good company that would take my copywriting experience into consideration and offer me better terms. Likely to be -1. I will need to give myself some time to gauge hirer's interest in me. How much time would i give it? 2 or 3 weeks more? When I finish this freelance gig this week and am mucking at home.
Is there work-life balance? Not guaranteed. Depends on which company I go to.
DM - 2 pts with unsure work/life balance and unsure benefits. Have to go interviews and ask.
Oh, i also have an interview next week about becoming a teacher for an art school. I'm not a painter or designer, but I applied to teach time-based art at the school. I'm not sure what's time-based art exactly, i guess it's videos or interactive media - perhaps using software tools to create 3d/2d models and images.
I do have some school experience in doing that. But that's like 11 or 12 years ago, tools would have changed by now. I'm not sure if they will hire me. The pros is i will gain experience in teaching and public speaking (+1). The cons is it's a 1 year contract position, so I need to access the terms/benefits. (-1 for being 1 year only, but they might extend if I can perform.)
There's creativity involved in coming up with teaching curriculum, although it's not DM/Content kind of creativity. The question is will you like it? Well if I haven't tried, I wouldn't know.
Work-life balance? Likely.
Teaching - Learn new skills in teaching and open myself up for future teaching opportunities. Likely work-life balance, if not now then at least in future if i teach at other schools. I've met people who were teaching media, and they do have balance.
So 2 pts with likely balance. Should ask in interviews too.
So this brings me to what I want from a job, what's important to me and will make me more likely to keep the job for some time.
1. Being able to leave on time or not too late, meaning workload isn't so heavy that I leave the office late (>30mins to 1 hr). Or client demands are not so unreasonable that they come late and make us work late.
2. Money...maybe 3400? Enough to build up retirement funds and pay for bills/expenses.
3. This is probably the last on the list - whether i like the work. I place #1 highest on the list because even if i like the work, if i have to leave late every day or be beholden to unreasonable client demands, i would still leave eventually after burning out.
4. I should probably get smart and think longer term about this. Like is there a future in this job? Is it marketable/open up more opportunities in future? How many other companies can I jump to if there comes a time when it's unbearable to stay in this company in future? The standings are (1) DM/copywriting, (2) Teaching media, (3)story writing/scriptwriting
Does this mean i would be okay with any work if pts 1 & 2 are satisfied? I find that the difficulty/requirements of the job is related to pts 1 & 2 in conflicting directions.
If the job is easy and lets you leave on time, it pays less.
If it's hard, you'll probably leave later, and it pays more.
There are probably no easy jobs that let you leave on time and pays more. It might be like that for a period of time (like my freelance gig now) but there are definitely periods when you have to work late.
Then what matters in the end?
Time for yourself or money?
Sometimes you just have to do what it takes to survive. Such a profound statement. Do the minimum to survive or do the max to get most, which one?
i'm wasting my time here debating this.
Returning to my job - do the same things i've done. Think of new show ideas that are fresh, fun to do, and fit the national propaganda guidelines. Except perhaps it might be online content. 15 mins stuff. Actually, 15 mins is long for online content.
If they really want to push for new content, they have to be willing to allow us the break the mould of storytelling. Speed it up or break it up. New formats or narratives linked by characters instead of plot. Most online youtube content are not structured by plot, but by the strength of the characters' likeability (and authenticity) and theme. It's not a movie where you need a plot driving everything and tying everything into neat ends.
If i go back, I would like to add some DM roles into the job too. Like come up with Facebook or social media content, and use analytical tools, to drive engagement with the audience. The struggle with doing this for shows is that shows are transient. They go on air for less than 3 months and then finish. The story/narrative has ended. Everything tied up neatly. So your short online campaign doesn't have legs. It's very short-lived.
Unless they are willing to push for content that's longer term. I suggest character-based, with some plot sometimes but not always, because plots get predictable. Maybe we are in a post-plot phase now in storytelling. A lot of plots are predictable and not satisfying because we don't feel for the characters - they feel inauthentic too. Youtube amateurs are more real.
Okay i should give some examples when I say that. I mean youtubers in the Malaysian Chinese youtube scene.
Like Lim ShangJin - who's always being teased https://www.youtube.com/user/PerfectShang89
Dennis Lim - who does a great retarded act
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUYUhsKXNpJvwYKfcH09fXg
There's also their friends - Chang Yong, Big Yong, Bang Zheng, YBB, Cody, DumplingSoda, JoshuaSe, etc.
i've been following them for some time, they're a bunch of individuals with their own channels doing their own videos but they frequently appear in each other's videos as friends or characters in some skit.
I feel that they have a great sense of camaraderie with each other, and they showcase a side of life in Malaysia which is new and relaxing to me. Their videos might be really low budget and unpolished sometimes, but you get a sense of authenticity in their banter and playful childish friendships.
i think that's missing in Singapore's youtubers who seem inauthentic (like they just want your views so they can earn money or please their sponsors) and competitive with each other, overly dramatic and bitchy.
I don't know if such content can be scripted or produced by the local broadcaster. It's tough enough finding actors that can speak English properly and act naturally on screen. That's already a barrier - you need people who can be authentic, for such content. And being the national broadcaster, you only get funding if your programs are deemed 'meaningful', promoting family values. So that means no lame skits or slice-of-life content without a plot.
I fear that it will get managed to death. Though you could say the same for some advertising clients. But there are exceptions. Do i dare to say or hope that they will be local hit shows in future?
Lion Moms 2 looks promising, I haven't seen a full ep actually. Mostly because i dont want to devote 23 minutes to something I don't trust will bring me value/entertainment. It's a relatively big gamble - to put 23 mins to something - compared to putting 3 or 5 mins of your time on a youtube video.
So i think, if they want to recapture audiences to their content, they might have to start with shorter content. Lower commitments/barriers. Maybe even go off the toggle platform to youtube, if you want more reach. Because you have to go to where the audience is. Facebook, Youtube. Gain their loyalty, then you try to get them to come to Toggle. You could still host the same content on Toggle.
I think I probably won't go back unless I really can't find suitable jobs for me in teaching or DM.
I know that gg back means that pts 1 and 2 would most prob be satisfied - meaning i should be able to have more time for work and leave not too late, and money/leave benefits are relatively better than DM/teaching now. But i'm really afraid of finding myself stuck in future, if the situation just continues like now - no improvement in content direction, getting audiences to come back and just plodding along with government/self-censorship and producing same old programmes.
I don't know if it's worth it. I could try to challenge the system and try to fight, but also looking at my disposition and the past, I think I would just go with the flow, follow orders, and plod along. I am as much determined by my environment.
What to do, what to do.
Just wait and see lor. Haiz.
Too much introspection this morning.
